Ranting @ 9:28 AM

I want to rant about something. I want to complain. Let me unreasonable for a while and then i will gain back my sanity. I hope. Since nobody is available or interested in my ranting, i shall complain to myself.

1. I felt so bloody overwhelmed last night. Like all a sudden i discovered that the deadline for TG application is today. And I didn't even have the 2nd surety yet. How damn can it be??? Cant reach bb. Then after that had to wait for the whole night, drifting to sleep unknowingly. To top that up, quarrel with bb for this seemingly trivial matter. stupid or not you tell me.

2. I felt so helpless. My brother's placement test is really near. I hate the idea of putting a child of mere 13 years to this kind of life or death situation. It is just so shitty. really. can u imagine if he does not get into a public school here he would literally nowhere to go??? He is too young to understand the implications of failing this bloody placement test. And I CANT knock that sense into his head which is so clouded with online games. I really hope i can make some change. but it seems so impossible. and im doing it alone. ALONE. Never have i felt so alone like this before. If he failed??? He would suffer, so would i, so would my parents. how life-and-death is that??? and the shitty school also not doing their job. shift the blame around. and my brother got the worst shit in the end. i cant expect my parents to help. if they COULD help him they WOULD NEVER send him here in the first place. and im stupid enuf to complain to them once and that set the house on fire. i cant expect bb to help cuz he dun even have time for himself how to help in this situation. WORST, i cant expect myself to help, cuz im so helpless now. fuck.

3. I have no time for myself. rather im so used to not having time for myself, when i actually do have it don't know what to do with myself. shitty or not you tell me. i run for school, i run for meals, i run for tuition, i run for house chores, i run for gym, i run for my brother homework. 3 weeks into this and i still havn't got down to the rythm yet. oh fuck. im running for everywhere when i have to walk i dunno what to do. i can't just sit back relax have a coffee cuz i feel so nervous what if something i haven't done yet and that something can cost me my life.

4. My stomach acting funny and it is bothering me. I dun wan to feel hungry all the time to the point of acute gastric pain and then when i eat i cant swallow half of the meal without feeling my stomach contracted and end up unable to finish. anyway, this is not good.

5. I want to end my tuition with xing yi. but dont know how to tell her mum. she is such a fierce woman. im scared.

6. I want somebody to lend me a shoulder. i want to confide into somebody without being judged being prejudiced or being scolded.

7. I want to cut hair, buy a pair of flat shoes and a pair of jeans, my only pair was stolen, but no money.

8. My finger wound is still tender and it hurts when i wash hair and it sucks.

9. i want somebody to help me take care of all these problems. really. i want to run away. i dont want to do house chore, i dont want to teach tuition, i dont want to monitor my brother, i dont want to run to supermarket and buy groceries and cook and make me look no different from a housewife...

10. i dont want this feeling anymore.



really, it is not crisis that bring a person down, but rather the trivial matters of daily life that reduce us to whiny kitten.


ranting shall stop here.

Ranting @ 9:28 AM

I want to rant about something. I want to complain. Let me unreasonable for a while and then i will gain back my sanity. I hope. Since nobody is available or interested in my ranting, i shall complain to myself.

1. I felt so bloody overwhelmed last night. Like all a sudden i discovered that the deadline for TG application is today. And I didn't even have the 2nd surety yet. How damn can it be??? Cant reach bb. Then after that had to wait for the whole night, drifting to sleep unknowingly. To top that up, quarrel with bb for this seemingly trivial matter. stupid or not you tell me.

2. I felt so helpless. My brother's placement test is really near. I hate the idea of putting a child of mere 13 years to this kind of life or death situation. It is just so shitty. really. can u imagine if he does not get into a public school here he would literally nowhere to go??? He is too young to understand the implications of failing this bloody placement test. And I CANT knock that sense into his head which is so clouded with online games. I really hope i can make some change. but it seems so impossible. and im doing it alone. ALONE. Never have i felt so alone like this before. If he failed??? He would suffer, so would i, so would my parents. how life-and-death is that??? and the shitty school also not doing their job. shift the blame around. and my brother got the worst shit in the end. i cant expect my parents to help. if they COULD help him they WOULD NEVER send him here in the first place. and im stupid enuf to complain to them once and that set the house on fire. i cant expect bb to help cuz he dun even have time for himself how to help in this situation. WORST, i cant expect myself to help, cuz im so helpless now. fuck.

3. I have no time for myself. rather im so used to not having time for myself, when i actually do have it don't know what to do with myself. shitty or not you tell me. i run for school, i run for meals, i run for tuition, i run for house chores, i run for gym, i run for my brother homework. 3 weeks into this and i still havn't got down to the rythm yet. oh fuck. im running for everywhere when i have to walk i dunno what to do. i can't just sit back relax have a coffee cuz i feel so nervous what if something i haven't done yet and that something can cost me my life.

4. My stomach acting funny and it is bothering me. I dun wan to feel hungry all the time to the point of acute gastric pain and then when i eat i cant swallow half of the meal without feeling my stomach contracted and end up unable to finish. anyway, this is not good.

5. I want to end my tuition with xing yi. but dont know how to tell her mum. she is such a fierce woman. im scared.

6. I want somebody to lend me a shoulder. i want to confide into somebody without being judged being prejudiced or being scolded.

7. I want to cut hair, buy a pair of flat shoes and a pair of jeans, my only pair was stolen, but no money.

8. My finger wound is still tender and it hurts when i wash hair and it sucks.

9. i want somebody to help me take care of all these problems. really. i want to run away. i dont want to do house chore, i dont want to teach tuition, i dont want to monitor my brother, i dont want to run to supermarket and buy groceries and cook and make me look no different from a housewife...

10. i dont want this feeling anymore.



really, it is not crisis that bring a person down, but rather the trivial matters of daily life that reduce us to whiny kitten.


ranting shall stop here.