Jobs and resumes and the unbelievable stuff @ 7:04 PM

So far I have worked as an admin assistant a Personal Assistant, an intern in a bank, a flyer distributor (this is an all-time sux job), a tele-appointer, and now a tutor.

Out of all these jobs, being a tutor perharps the easiest. It is best to tutor primary kids, they are sibeh cute for one thing, and the contents are much easier to handle/bluff your ways through. Saying "bluff your ways through" does not mean that I'm being irresponsible for my tutees, just that it is easier to deal with awkward situation when I do not know an answer for some questions. I can always ask them to check the dictionary or their texts for answer. Hey, this is to promote self-reliance yeah? The role of a tutor, after all, is to teach a person how to study on their own, not to be an answering machine and to give answer to every single question. It is not to mention that the mums will always be extremely nice, give the tutor drink and food! lolx.

It is so unlike teaching secondary school kids. The contents are more complicated, not to mention the students also tend to be
- more dense
- more passive
- more lost
which result in a tougher job! It is not to say that they are more incline to change the study location and timing to suit their personal timetables, things like CCAs, concerts and whatever do get in the way all the time. And the mums are also less tentative towards the tutor!!!

BUT the money is more lah, definitely.

Maybe one day I could post about my experiences about how to excel as a PA, an intern, a flyer distributor, a tele-appointer, and a tutor. I tell you, I am excellent in whatever job I do okay. lolx.

I came across this article called Stupid Shit People ACTUALLY Put On Their Resumes . It is super hilarious, i just couldn't help laughing. You can read it by clicking on the link, or just scroll down and read below.

None of this is made up. People really did put this stupid crazy shit on their resumes or job applications.

1. I am very detail-oreinted.

2. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

3. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!

4. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

5. It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

6. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.

8. If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.

9. My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in
particular.

10. I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.

11. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the
best, I will look for another opportunity.

12. Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.

13. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.

14. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.

15. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to
elaborate privately.

16. Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.

17. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.

18. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.

19. I am a rabid typist.

20. I have a bachelorette degree in computers.

21. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills;
and very good at math.

22. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.

23. I worked as a Corporate Lesion.

24. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.

25. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.

26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.

27. Special skills: Thyping.

28. My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.

29. I can play well with others.

30. Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.

31. Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some
decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.

32. Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.

33. Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.

34. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.

35. I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.

36. Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and
implementation.

37. I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.

38. Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.

39. While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.

40. My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent
benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.

41. Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.

42. Referees available upon request.

43. Previous rank: Senior instigator.

44. I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate
quickly.

45. Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.

46. Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.

47. Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.

48. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my
professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.

49. Strengths: Impersonal skills.

50. Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.

51. Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.

52. Vocational plans: Sea World.

Jobs and resumes and the unbelievable stuff @ 7:04 PM

So far I have worked as an admin assistant a Personal Assistant, an intern in a bank, a flyer distributor (this is an all-time sux job), a tele-appointer, and now a tutor.

Out of all these jobs, being a tutor perharps the easiest. It is best to tutor primary kids, they are sibeh cute for one thing, and the contents are much easier to handle/bluff your ways through. Saying "bluff your ways through" does not mean that I'm being irresponsible for my tutees, just that it is easier to deal with awkward situation when I do not know an answer for some questions. I can always ask them to check the dictionary or their texts for answer. Hey, this is to promote self-reliance yeah? The role of a tutor, after all, is to teach a person how to study on their own, not to be an answering machine and to give answer to every single question. It is not to mention that the mums will always be extremely nice, give the tutor drink and food! lolx.

It is so unlike teaching secondary school kids. The contents are more complicated, not to mention the students also tend to be
- more dense
- more passive
- more lost
which result in a tougher job! It is not to say that they are more incline to change the study location and timing to suit their personal timetables, things like CCAs, concerts and whatever do get in the way all the time. And the mums are also less tentative towards the tutor!!!

BUT the money is more lah, definitely.

Maybe one day I could post about my experiences about how to excel as a PA, an intern, a flyer distributor, a tele-appointer, and a tutor. I tell you, I am excellent in whatever job I do okay. lolx.

I came across this article called Stupid Shit People ACTUALLY Put On Their Resumes . It is super hilarious, i just couldn't help laughing. You can read it by clicking on the link, or just scroll down and read below.

None of this is made up. People really did put this stupid crazy shit on their resumes or job applications.

1. I am very detail-oreinted.

2. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.

3. Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!

4. Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.

5. It’s best for employers that I not work with people.

6. Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

7. I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.

8. If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.

9. My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in
particular.

10. I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.

11. Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the
best, I will look for another opportunity.

12. Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.

13. Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.

14. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.

15. Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to
elaborate privately.

16. Previous experience: Self-employed-a fiasco.

17. Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.

18. Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.

19. I am a rabid typist.

20. I have a bachelorette degree in computers.

21. Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills;
and very good at math.

22. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.

23. I worked as a Corporate Lesion.

24. Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.

25. Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.

26. Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.

27. Special skills: Thyping.

28. My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.

29. I can play well with others.

30. Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.

31. Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some
decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.

32. Experience: Provided correct answers to customers’ questions.

33. Education: Graduated from predatory school with honors.

34. Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.

35. I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.

36. Have extensive experience in turkey manufactures as well as new product development and
implementation.

37. I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.

38. Personal: Five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.

39. While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.

40. My compensation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent
benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.

41. Hire me and you won’t regret it - I am funny, cute, smart and creative… really.

42. Referees available upon request.

43. Previous rank: Senior instigator.

44. I have recently sold my home and I now live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate
quickly.

45. Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.

46. Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.

47. Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.

48. Objective: To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my
professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.

49. Strengths: Impersonal skills.

50. Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.

51. Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at a home improvement store.

52. Vocational plans: Sea World.